Today I feel a combination of grief and relief, rather like when my father died a few months ago. Today I feel like a soccer ball with a leak, content to sit in storage and enjoy the lack of pressure, but deprived of a chance to get in the game. At least the grief is less intense than it was yesterday.
As of yesterday, I have severed connections with the Harris County Green Party and the Green Party of Texas. It comes down to a conflict with a member whom I have long liked and respected, but...nope, not gonna go there. If you are an HCGP or GPTX member who knows what and whom I'm deliberately not talking about, please do not name names or identify the nature of the conflict in Comments.
It also took a toll on me, physically, mentally, emotionally, and even financially. A party co-chair needs either 1) a reliable supply of willing apparatchiks to whom to delegate duties, 2) no life outside the party and the willingness to get involved in every aspect of its operation, or 3) way more energy than I could muster.
Back in March 2015, I had a vision of expanding the party locally and statewide, and I thought that I had a good plan to implement that vision. So, reluctantly, I submitted myself as a candidate to fill in for a co-chair who had abandoned the post.
One reason for my reluctance was that it meant devoting less time to other interests, or dropping those interests entirely for a while. I moved out of the uRth HAUS cooperative after three years as a member, mostly because HAUS meetings conflicted with HCGP meetings, but also because living at uRth involved too much drama for me to handle (which, ironically, is now the biggest problem I have with HCGP).
This separation from the local and state parties also means that I will no longer participate in planning the GPUS Convention, which will take place here in Houston 4-7 August, and I will certainly not be a delegate.
There are dozens of Greens in Harris County and the rest of Texas for whom I feel a deep and abiding love. Some are grizzled veterans like me, core Greens with whom I have slogged through several ballot access petition drives; some are relatively new to the movement.
I am still Green to the avocado pit of my soul.
I will still promote the Green Vision and the Green Agenda.
I still wish the party organizations the greatest of success, including a 5% showing statewide for at least one candidate.
I will campaign for Martina Salinas for Railroad Commissioner, and whomever the Convention nominates for president, in any way that does not require direct interaction with HCGP. (I am free to say that I hope the nominee is Jill Stein, who is kilometers ahead of the other candidates in building her campaign. Also, I did use whomever correctly.)
I will still encourage people to join and help build a Green Party worthy of this great state—but new members will need more tolerance for drama than I have.
Despite the deflated feeling, there is definitely an upside to this development. For starters, I'll have more Thursday nights free and can get back to singing with the First UU choir. But also, I can look through some of the social justice or environmental groups to which I am connected and set my focus on one of them—when I'm good and ready.